Matthew - Lesson 19A

• Today we begin Chapter 19, and the chapter offers a break in the action from what we’ve been studying over the past month 

  • So rather than engage in much review, let’s just dive in

Matt. 19:1 When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;
Matt. 19:2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.
Matt. 19:3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”

• Right out of the gate Matthew drops us into a discussion of marriage and divorce 

  • But before we consider Jesus’ teaching on the subject, let’s set the scene for this discussion 

  • At the end of Chapter 17 and into Chapter 18 Jesus has been in Capernaum, in and around Peter’s house 

  • Capernaum is the fishing village on the westside of the Sea of Galilee that Jesus made His home for three years of ministry 

• Now at the start of Chapter 19, Matthew says Jesus is on the move again, this time going south toward Jericho and crossing the Jordan

  • He eventually reaches a region of Judea east of the Jordan river, an area called Perea in Jesus’ day

  • While Jesus is in this area He is followed by large crowds, which is what we see regularly now

  • Furthermore, Jesus heals those who come to Him, though we have no details of those circumstances 

• And as a brief aside, we need to remember how exceptional these crowds were for that day

  • Celebrities, as we know them today, didn’t exist in that age

    • And generally the rich and powerful were feared, not adored, and therefore people largely avoided them

  • So large crowds like this one following a man through the wilderness was truly extraordinary in that day

    • Surely, nothing like it had ever been seen before in Israel, and for that reason alone the Pharisees were deeply concerned

    • When one man can command such adoration, it’s the makings of a revolution

    • And revolution would surely get the attention of Rome and likely bring an end to the Pharisee’s power sharing arrangement

    • So they opposed Jesus for much more than religious reasons…they were concerned about losing their way of life

• And therefore, while Jesus is near Jerusalem in Perea, the Pharisees come down testing (v.3) Jesus with a question

  • They ask Jesus to render His opinion on the conditions for divorce, asking under what circumstances may divorce be permitted

    • Now why would these men care what Jesus thought about that issue, and for that matter why would the answer be in doubt?

    • Well, as was often the case with rabbis, there were competing opinions on the matter

    • An old joke says if you ask 3 rabbis the same question, how many different opinions will you get? The answer: 10

  • Generally, rabbinical teaching on divorce fell into one of two camps: a conservative view and a liberal view

    • The conservative view taught that the only possible reason to divorce and remarry was for unfaithfulness in marriage

    • The liberal view taught that essentially any offense could be just grounds for divorce and remarriage 

  • So when the Pharisees asked Jesus to render His opinion on this issue, they were asking Jesus to pick a side in this debate

    • Notice Matthew says in v.3 that this question was being posed to Jesus as a test

    • Whichever way Jesus answered, He would affirm one group of religious leaders within Israel and likely alienate the other

• But the test wasn’t forcing Jesus to pick sides among rabbis…

  • The test was whether the Pharisees could get Jesus to upset the Romans

    • Jesus is in Perea, and Perea was one of two regions within Judea under the control of Herod Antipas

    • Herod Antipas was one of Herod the Great’s sons who inherited a portion of his father’s territory after Herod the Great’s death

    • Herod Antipas is best known for his conflict with John the Baptist 

  • Back in Matthew 14 we learned how Herod imprisoned and ultimately beheaded John the Baptist 

    • John offended Herod by publicly accusing him of entering into an unlawful marriage

    • Herod Antipas’ brother was Herod Philip, and Herod Philip’s wife was Herodias 

    • Herod Antipas took a liking to Herodias and made her his wife, which was an act of adultery 

    • John called it what it was, and for that he was put to death

• So now that Jesus has entered into Perea, Herod Antipas’ territory, the Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus into making the same mistake

  • Obviously, Jesus isn’t worried about Herod, so He proceeds to answer the question according to the standard of Scripture, which is very conservative

Matt. 19:4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,
Matt. 19:5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’?
Matt. 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

• Jesus begins His answer at the place you have to begin in any discussion of marriage: the creation of man and woman

  • The very design of the male and female bodies hint of the union God would later establish and call marriage

  • God designed man’s body and woman’s body to join together physically in a clear and obvious way

  • Moreover, they must join together to obey God’s command to procreate and fill the earth

  • So the design of the human body tells us the Creator intended a man and woman to pair up and form a union called marriage

• Moreover, the way God created man and woman makes clear that He intended the union to be inseparable

  • In the Creation account, God didn’t create two people independently and then command them to join together

  • Instead, He created the Man first and then created the Woman from flesh taken out of the Man

• By creating Woman in that way, Adam’s marriage to his wife was literally a reuniting of his own flesh

  • That’s why Jesus says in v.6 that anytime a husband and wife join together, they are no longer two but one flesh 

  • In God’s eyes, a husband and wife constitute a reunion of flesh, which means that the institution of marriage is inseparable 

• In v.6 Jesus says that what God joins in this way "let no man separate” 

  • That English translation isn’t very helpful because it sounds as if Jesus is pleading with us not to separate

  • A better translation would be “may no man separate” because Jesus is expressing the impossibility of separating the two

  • Since God originated the one-flesh relationship by the way He created Man and Woman there is no earthly mechanism to end it

  • Mankind simply does not possess the authority nor the ability to end it, no more than we can cut our own body in half and still live

• Therefore, on the question of divorce, Jesus points back to the Creation to explain that marriage establishes a one-flesh relationship 

  • And understanding the Bible’s teaching on marriage and divorce requires we distinguish between two aspects of biblical marriage

    • First, a marriage is a covenant established between a man and a woman through the exchanging of vows

    • Then after the marriage covenant is in place, a “one flesh” relationship is established by a physical union of man and wife

  • These two aspects of marriage are distinct and in fact, you can have one without the other

    • It’s possible to have a marriage covenant without a one-flesh relationship 

    • And it is also possible to establish a one-flesh relationship without a marriage covenant

  • For example, two people who engage in sex before marriage, which the Bible calls fornication, are not establishing a marriage in that encounter

    • Fornication is not marriage because it is not accompanied by marriage vows, so there is no covenant established

    • However, a sexual union outside marriage does result in an immoral, one-flesh relationship, as Paul says

1Cor. 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!
1Cor. 6:16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.”

• A man who joins himself with a prostitute (or has a one-night stand) establishes a one-flesh relationship, Paul says

• And because it’s not accompanied by marriage vows, it’s an immoral act and not a substitute for proper marriage  

• Likewise, it’s possible to enter into a marriage without establishing a one-flesh relationship

  • There are situations where someone marries a person who is on their death bed or in prison or about to go off to war

  • Then later that person dies before the marriage can be consummated

  • In that case, a marriage covenant existed because vows were exchanged, but a one-flesh relationship was never established

• So a typical, biblical marriage involves two things:

  • A marriage covenant is formed by an exchange of vows, and a one-flesh relationship is formed by a physical union made possible by marriage

    • This distinction between the covenant and a one-flesh relationship has important implications when it comes to divorce

    • A marriage covenant may end in a divorce,  but a legal divorce proceeding doesn’t end a one-flesh relationship

    • As Jesus said, no one may separate what God joins together

    • So when a divorce happens, the marriage covenant is dissolved and it exists no longer, but the one-flesh relationship goes on

  • Virtually all disagreements over divorce in the Church are the result of a failure to distinguish between these two aspects of marriage

    • And in this case it becomes clear that the Pharisees had missed that distinction as well

Matt. 19:7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?”

• The Pharisees challenge Jesus by quoting from the Law in Deuteronomy 24 where Moses gave instructions on divorce 

Deut. 24:1  “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,

• Moses allowed men to issue a divorce certificate if the man discovered some indecency in his wife

  • The Hebrew word used for indecency is erwah, which is literally the word nakedness, implying marital infidelity 

  • So the Law allowed a man to divorce his wife if she was unfaithful to him

• The Pharisees pointed Jesus to this provision in the Law to challenge Jesus’ claim that no man may separate a husband and wife 

  • But Jesus wasn’t saying that we can’t end a marriage covenant

  • Like a covenant, a marriage covenant can be broken, and according to Deuteronomy 24, it can be ended by divorce

• Jesus was speaking of the one-flesh relationship which results from marriage and that, Jesus says, cannot be ended

  • His point was they were focusing on the wrong aspect of marriage

  • The Pharisees were debating the conditions for ending the marriage covenant

• But Jesus is saying that arguing over how to end a marriage covenant is largely irrelevant after you realize the permanence of the one-flesh relationship

  • So Jesus then reminds them of the true reason God allowed men to end their marriage covenants in Deut. 24

Matt. 19:8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
Matt. 19:9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

• Jesus says Moses didn’t command divorce, rather he permitted it, and there is a big difference between commanding divorce and permitting divorce

  • Nowhere does God command us to divorce, and in fact the entire thrust of Scripture is in the opposite direction

    • We should do everything in our power to avoid divorce

    • And even if there are circumstances in Scripture that allow divorce, that shouldn’t be taken as encouragement to divorce

  • Next Jesus says the reason divorce was permitted in the Law was as a response to the sin of husbands who were unforgiving of their wives

    • Jesus calls it a hardness of heart, and He’s referring to a sinful practice of men in Israel in that day

    • In that day men possessed all the power in marriage while women had no legal rights in marriage

    • A woman could not establish a covenant nor end a covenant by herself

  • So if a husband wanted to end the marriage, she couldn’t stop him

    • A man could send his wife away from his home, leaving her literally homeless and destitute 

    • Her only hope for survival would be for some other man to take her in and care for her

  • But before another man would take her into his house, that man would need assurance from her first husband that she wasn’t still married 

    • If she was still married, then no man could take her into his home, otherwise he would be accused of adultery

    • Adultery was punishable by death under the Law, so no self-respecting man would take the risk 

• So Jesus is saying that divorce was an accommodation for sin, not a license to sin

  • Had the Law not allowed for divorce, hard-hearted men would still have sent their wives away

    • And without a legal way to remarry, those women would have no possibility of rescue

    • Without a legal document proving she could lawfully marry,  the woman would likely to die of starvation or exposure or fall prey to evil men

  • So God made a way for the woman to be saved from abandonment 

    • With a divorce certificate, she could find a new husband willing to take her in and care for her 

    • That certificate of divorce was God’s grace to women who were mistreated by their husbands and without hope otherwise  

  • But Jesus tells the Pharisees that provision doesn’t mean God endorses divorce or that a divorce is free of consequences

    • Moreover, while a divorce ends a marriage and makes possible a new one, it doesn’t end the one-flesh relationship 

    • Which is why in v.9 Jesus says that even after a marriage ends in divorce, any remarriage is an act of adultery

  • And now we know why a remarriage after a divorce is adultery…

    • Because divorce ends only one aspect of marriage, not the other

    • Divorce ends the marriage covenant but there is no way to reverse a one-flesh relationship once established

  • One-flesh relationships exists until death, Paul says

Rom. 7:2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.
Rom. 7:3 So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.

• Paul says the only way to be free to remarry under the law is to wait until the first spouse dies

• Because only when the flesh is gone does the one-flesh relationship dissolve 

• Now I’m sure you noticed that in v.9 Jesus inserted an exception, saying “except for immorality”

  • Jesus says there is a situation in which a man and wife can be married and then divorce and then remarriage is still possible after that divorce

    • And that one situation is in the case of immorality, Jesus says

    • The Greek word for immorality is porneia, from which we also get words like pornography, and it refers generally to sexual sin

    • Interestingly, this Greek word is never used in the New Testament to refer to adultery

    • Notice in v.9 the words immorality and adultery both appear, and they are different Greek words

  • So the question is what specific situation was Jesus talking about when he said immorality?

    • The most common teaching in the church is that sexual unfaithfulness (adultery) is grounds for divorce and remarriage

    • Personally, I don’t agree with that interpretation 

    • Because if engaging in an extramarital affair ends a one-flesh relationship, then we can separate what God joined together

    • But Jesus said no man can separate that union

• So when Jesus says except for immorality, I believe He was speaking of a very specific situation

  • In Jesus’ day it was normal to establish a marriage covenant first

    • And then a period of time would pass before the one-flesh relationship was established

    • The first step of establishing the marriage covenant was called a betrothal

  • A betrothal wasn’t merely an engagement, like we do today…it established a marriage covenant

    • Vows were taken, a dowry was paid, and a covenant was established

    • At that point a true marriage existed even though the couple had not yet consummated the marriage or even met!

  • Then weeks, months and maybe even years would pass while the groom was preparing a home for his bride

    • During this time the man and his wife remained apart waiting for the day they could be together

    • During that time, they were legally husband and wife but they had not yet become one-flesh

  • Now if during this time one of them was unfaithful and committed sexual immorality (i.e., fornication), it was grounds for divorce

    • If the marriage ended on that basis, it still required a divorce since a marriage covenant existed

    • But because a one-flesh relationship had never been established, a new marriage was still a possibility for the betrayed spouse

  • This was exactly the situation that Joseph assumed he was facing when Mary turned up pregnant

    • Joseph had been betrothed to Mary, and he assumed Mary had been unfaithful to him during that betrothal period

    • So Matthew 1:19 says Joseph being a righteous man decided to divorce her secretly to spare her humiliation 

• I believe this is the exception Jesus is offering here…an exception for those who are married but have yet to establish a one-flesh relationship 

  • Under those circumstances, if sexual immorality takes place, then a divorce is permissible

    • And because a one-flesh relationship has not yet been established, then remarriage is also permissible

    • I believe that’s why Jesus uses the Greek word for immorality rather than the word for adultery in v.9

    • Because He was speaking of sexual sin prior to a one-flesh relationship, which is fornication or porneia

    • Adultery is the Bible’s term for sexual sin after a one-flesh marriage relationship already exists

  • So if we find ourselves in a situation where a marriage covenant exists without a one-flesh relationship, then and only then are we eligible to divorce and remarry should sexual sin take place

    • For all other cases when one-flesh exists, then Jesus’ standard rule would apply…there is no remarriage after divorce 

    • Paul reaffirms this truth in 1 Corinthians 7

1Cor. 7:10  But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband
1Cor. 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

• Paul says the best option is to stay married, but if you divorce, then the next best option is to reconcile with your spouse

  • If you cannot reconcile, the only remaining option is to not remarry again…and there is no fourth option

  • Paul also emphasizes that this instruction is from the Lord, which is Paul’s way of saying he’s quoting Jesus’ instructions

• So to summarize Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce, the biblical rule is that divorce is not permissible except for sexual immorality 

  • If divorce happens before a one-flesh relationship has been established, then remarriage is permissible

  • If divorce happens after a one-flesh relationship has been established, remarriage is not permissible

  • And should we choose to remarry after a one-flesh relationship has been established, we commit adultery

• You might ask me what about situations involving divorce and remarriage for reasons other than sexual immorality?

  • What about an abusive marriage where there is unending strife or even physical conflict in the marriage?

    • What if children are in danger, what if reconciliation is simply not possible? 

    • What if my ex-spouse has already remarried?

  • I don’t have answers for every situation we might imagine

    • Under some circumstances, especially when a spouse or child is in physical danger, it may be best for a couple to separate 

    • Or in the worst of cases, a legal divorce may be the best response to a bad situation, which was the case with Deut 24

    • But even then, remarriage is not possible because the one-flesh relationship persists until death

• If you’re feeling a little shocked by this standard, then you’re not alone…look at the disciples’ response to Jesus’ teaching

Matt. 19:10 The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.”
Matt. 19:11 But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.
Matt. 19:12 “For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”

• The disciples hear Jesus’ teaching, and they realize that Jesus not only rejected the liberal view of divorce, He took the conservative view a step farther

  • So they respond that if this is truly God’s expectation for a relationship between a wife and husband, then it’s better to remain single

    • If it’s true we only get one marriage per life and the potential for picking the wrong person is so high, better not to pick at all

    • Better to live alone than risk getting hitched to someone who makes your life miserable, especially if we can’t separate

  • But Jesus strongly disagrees with that suggestion saying only a few could accept or live by that standard

    • Jesus says there are three groups who will not enter into one-flesh relationships (i.e., eunuchs euphemistically)

    • Some are born unable to enter into a one-flesh relationship due to physical or mental limitations 

    • Others are prevented from entering into a one-flesh relationship because they are made eunuchs in service to a king, etc.

  • And thirdly, some may choose not to marry because of the Kingdom, meaning they have a spiritual gift of singleness

    • For that last group, the Lord has gifted them to be content with never experiencing a one-flesh relationship 

    • And it is a gift because it’s not the natural state of our hearts

    • By that gift, the Lord frees a person’s heart to remain 100% devoted to serving Him without the distraction of marriage

  • But apart from these examples, most people will have a strong natural desire for the affections and comforts of marriage

    • And if that’s you, you should seek marriage because avoiding marriage will only lead to more trouble in your life

    • Go marry and once married hold on to that marriage with all your strength until death do you part, trusting God to work in it

• Now as we reach this point in the teaching, I’m fully aware that not everyone will agree with my interpretation of Jesus’ teaching, especially of His exception

  • You may hold to the more common interpretation that Jesus’ exception was speaking of marital infidelity, adultery during marriage

    • And I acknowledge the possibility that you may be right

    • Perhaps Jesus was teaching that any sexual unfaithfulness breaks the one-flesh relationship and permits remarriage

  • And because my interpretation of this Scripture may be incorrect, then as a pastor I must tread lightly in this area

    • Because if I am wrong about this text, I could direct people incorrectly in matters of divorce and remarriage

    • That would have serious repercussions…I might stand in the way of a God-ordained marriage

  • So when there is a reasonable possibility for differences of interpretation of Scripture (as here), we give grace for other views

    • In the case of Matthew 19:9, there is certainly room for disagreement

    • So if someone believes Matthew 19:9 allows for divorce and remarriage in cases of infidelity, we accept your view

    • Agreement with my view is not a requirement at VBVF for fellowship or service or leadership in the church 

• Finally, I want to say a word about how we respond to the issue of divorce and remarriage in the lives of our brothers and sisters in the body

  • Sometimes, we have a tendency to treat divorce differently in some respects

    • We may be quick to remember God is against divorce yet we quickly forget God is equally against every form of sin

    • And if we’re not careful, we can treat one kind of error differently than others

  • But it’s no coincidence that Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce comes immediately after His teaching on forgiveness in the church

    • We all need forgiveness more than we even know, and none of us have unforgivable sins

    • Moreover, we can’t single out one kind of mistake and hold it above others in the body

    • Nor can we become judges of everyone else’s sin while we overlook our own 

  • Mistakes in marriage are no different than mistakes in any other area of life…they are forgiven by the blood of Jesus

    • No one carries a stigma here, no one will be defined by their past mistakes, because no one is beyond the grace of God

    • If you are married today, honor God by remaining faithful to that marriage regardless of your past

    • If you are not yet married, then consider Jesus’ instructions carefully and take that step with sober appreciation for what Jesus expects